


Never

by rosymamacita



Series: Arcadia [8]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, Past Clarke Griffin/Lexa, fireside chat, post lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6496318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosymamacita/pseuds/rosymamacita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy finds out that Clark had been in a relationship with Lexa in Polis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never

**Author's Note:**

> This came from a tumblr prompt
> 
> hotarurea asked:  
> I really want a scene where Bellamy is hurt when he hears that Clarke had a personal romantic relationship with L.exa and Clarke is trying to explain it to him or something about Clarke realizing that L.exa was not an example of leader she should emulate.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you chose your girlfriend Lexa over us, Clarke,” Octavia had said, her anger still barely contained in her fierce body. Unable to sit still since Lincoln died. And then she melted off into the night, giving some excuse about ‘checking the traps’ but Bellamy knew she just wanted to get out, get away, get moving. 

But that left just Bellamy and Clarke at the fireside. Everyone else back at the cave. Just Bellamy, and across the fire, Clarke sitting there staring into the flames.

He could barely look at her. 

“What!” she snapped, after how long he didn’t know.

He watched the leaves on the trees shift in the breeze. There was a full moon, so the night was in stark relief. 

“Nothing,” Bellamy said.

“Don’t give me that. I can see you clenching your jaw from over here.” 

He clenched his jaw.

And then he felt foolish. He stretched out his neck and tried to release the tension. “Forget it,” he said. 

He heard Clarke sigh, then get up from her side of the fire and drop down on the ground next to him.

“It’s about what Octavia said, isn’t it? About Lexa?”

He ground his teeth together.

She pulled up onto her knees in front of him and put her hands on his face, her fingers pressing into his jaw muscles. He looked at her in shock.

“Stop that. Say it.” Her shadowed blue eyes stared into his, demanding his anger.

He broke her grip on his face and went up onto his own knees, above her. His hands on her arms to hold her in place. “You left me.” 

He saw tears glittering in her eyes but she didn’t speak or break his gaze. 

“You left me, for Lexa.” He wanted her to say something. To admit it or deny it. 

She sat on the ground, folding her legs up and stared up at him. “I left for me.”

Bellamy ran his hand through his hair, and sat down again. Shaking his head. “Clarke, I came to you in Polis. I begged you to come home to your people.”

She blinked at him. A tear fell dow her cheek. He was horrified.

“You meant you.” She said quietly. “You wanted me to come home to you.”

He breathed in. “But you didn’t.”

“I had to stay or she would have killed everyone.” Another tear ran down her other cheek.

Bellamy shook his head at her. Confused. “So you became her girlfriend?” Clarke didn’t respond. “Did she force you?”

“What?” Clarke said, shocked. “No. It wasn’t like that. It… it just happened. We were working together. Trying to save everyone…”

Bellamy let out a snort. “Clarke. I saw you in Polis. I saw how you were dressed, the way you lived. How much she wanted you to be there. It was better there than with us.” With me, he wanted to say. But didn’t. ”I’m sure she was very nice to you. I bet it was easy to stay.”

Clarke opened her mouth to speak. He knew she wanted to argue. But instead she looked at the ground and started playing with a small pebble there.

Bellamy felt his head nodding. “Did you love her?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, immediately. 

He felt his jaw clench again, instinctively. “Yes, you loved her,” he said through his gritted teeth. 

All of a sudden she was looking at him for real, her eyes wide and blue as the night skies in the dark. “What?”

“You loved Lexa. The woman who left us in Mount Weather to die. The enemy who sent an army of hundreds against us at the drop ship. Who picked us off when we tried to run. You loved her.”

“Bellamy!” she gasped out like his words hurt her. “It was more than that. She was more than that. She changed. She wanted peace. She wanted us to be her people.”

Bellamy tilted his head at her. “She wanted you to love her.”

“And now she’s dead!” Clarke snapped. “Because you had to go and massacre a peace keeping army!”

Bellamy laughed mirthlessly. “Oh believe me, princess. I know it probably should have been me who died for that.”

Clarke’s face turned chalk white in the firelight. Her eyes wide. She jumped to her feet and walked away into the woods.

Bellamy let out a gust of breath and jumped to his feet to follow her. It was a good thing that the moon was so bright. He caught up to her. Her forehead pressed against a tree. Still.

He turned her around to see her face wet with tears. “I never would have let that happen to you!” She said, her voice choked with emotions. 

Bellamy quirked his lips. “You don’t always get the choice, Clarke.”

“I would never have let her kill you,” she said. “It wasn’t going to happen.”

“That’s not the way this works. Don’t you remember?” He thought of that night outside of Camp Jaha, and how Clarke had had to kill Finn as she held him in her embrace. He could see in her eyes that she did remember.

“I don’t think you understand, Bellamy. That was why I stayed in Polis. That was why I was working with her, so that would never happen again. So you would be safe. “

“I can’t even understand how you believe that. If Lexa had wanted to, I would have been the one up there on that stake and you know it.”

She jutted her jaw out and pushed him until his back came up against a tree. “I would never have let her do that, Bell. I would have–”

Clarke stopped short and pulled back. Fear lighting in her eyes. She drew in a shocked breath.

“What?” he said, suddenly concerned. Looking around the dark woods for some unseen danger. There was nothing. Clarke turned around and went back to the fire. Bellamy followed. “What is it, Clarke?”

She twirled around so fast that he walked into her, grabbing her arms so she didn’t fall over. Before he could ask her if she was okay, she was whispering. It was harsh and at first he wasn’t sure he even understood what she was saying.

“If she had tried to put you on that stake, Bellamy, the way she did with Finn, I would have killed her. And I would have done it without a second thought. It would never have happened. Do you understand?”

Bellamy shook his head, needing to clear it. Her face was so fierce. “But…” he started but didn’t even know what word could possibly come next.

All fierceness drained from her. All of a sudden she seemed so much smaller and more vulnerable. Younger. As if she was the teenager the calendar said she was. She turned her face from his, sad.

“I’m going to sleep, Bellamy,” she said and her voice was heartbroken. His hands dropped from her arms. She went to the fire, unrolled her bedding and laid down. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bellamy asked, so confused, but also, for the first time in a long time, a little bit hopeful.

“No,” she said and rolled over so her back was facing the fire. “Wake me up at second watch, okay?

Bellamy nodded until he realized she wasn’t looking at him and wouldn’t know. “Okay.”

They fell silent. 

There were more words that needed to be said, but neither of them knew what they should be.


End file.
